I have been thinking about this a lot lately. How do I know that what I feel is real? What if, I just feel this way because, I am seeking attention. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my life. Honestly, it is perfectly slightly above average.
I’ve checked a lot of boxes that would make any immigrant parent proud:
- Graduate with an engineering degree
- Get a high paying job
- Financially support them in their time of need
And, I’ve checked a lot of boxes for myself too:
- Travel the world (Pre pandemic)
- Get my parents to accept my girlfriend who is not from the same place as them
- Buy a house (in process)
- Invest for the future
So then, why do I still feel this way? It’s not like I had a traumatic childhood.
Everyday I go to war with myself to get out of bed and start the day. There are so many people that are struggling in worse situations, I have no right to feel the way I do. After all, everything is perfectly slightly above average.
I imagine myself standing on top of a grassy cliff. Below, waves are crashing into the cliff walls. It’s not quite raining but mist is falling from the sky. My dog is sitting next to me, helping me stare out into the vast ocean. Wouldn’t it be so easy to take that step? I’ve taken a lot of difficult steps to achieve everything so far and most of it not for me, how hard could one more step be?
I don’t though. Who would take care of my dog!
